Someone who read my blog about the wilderness questioned whether it was God or Satan that took me into the wilderness. I would like to address this here. Also, does anyone actually enter the wilderness without the help of Satan? Does anyone enter the wilderness without God allowing it? Either way can your time in the wilderness not be very valuable? Does it really matter how you got there anyway as long as you depend on God to provide your path out?
The first question was why didn’t God, if he wanted me to leave where I had been an active worker in the ministry, tell me where to go to worship and serve after leaving? I always did think that if God wanted me to move he would show me where to go. He had another way… Another lesson from the wilderness… sometimes he wants you to walk on faith without showing you what the next step is. Or maybe showing you only one step at a time. I think that there are a lot of people in the world sitting complacent in their place waiting for God to show them what the next step is and all the while all he wants them to do is trust him that he will take care of them if they just step out and believe that he will show them exactly where to go. There is no formula for our lives. The check list method doesn’t work. Work can be done for God anywhere and everywhere. It doesn’t have to be under the roof of a bona fide “church.” It can be in your own home. At basketball practice. At the gym. It can be a group of friends filling boxes for Operation Christmas Child, watching kids playing in the park, collecting food for East Lincoln Christian Ministries. Gods work is to show love. Sure, fellowship with other believers is absolutely critical for growing in Christ, but without the fundamentals of love, mercy and grace true fellowship is not possible in my opinion.
The next question was why he would do it without telling me where to go next. Did he want me all to himself? I do not presume to know God’s ways. What I do know is that he had NEVER had me all to Himself. I had always been working for God… trying to be good enough for His approval. It took my wilderness time to know that when Jesus ripped the veil he placed it over me and I became good enough. There is nothing I can do to separate myself from that love. For years I had been spending time beating myself up in front of God rather than deepening my relationship with him. Please know that I am faulting NO ONE except myself for this. It was not the leadership of that particular church, the members, the teachers, or anyone else who caused this. It was ME. I let Satan make me feel like I didn’t deserve God’s love. I made my relationship with God a list of rules to follow rather that what it really is… The GREATEST love of all. (Thanks, Whitney, for providing me with that.) Now he does have me all to himself. I am sold out. I know I could die tomorrow and he would welcome me into his kingdom with as much enthusiasm as if I had gone out to a foreign mission field. He has me. I am HIS and he is mine.
I have to say that when you are sold out for God you must expect some major attacks from Satan. I am definitely under attack right now. He is telling me that my view of my service the church that I left was overstated and I really wasnt all that important. He is telling me that I should question my salvation if I would leave without knowing where I was going. He is telling me that he indeed did lead me away. You know what? He can say whatever he wants. I KNOW that God is right here beside me. He and I are looking at Satan like he has two heads and telling him to get behind us. I have no use for him. He is the author of all lies. God cannot lie to me. He loves me….. This I know.