I never got the “If you die today do you know that you will go to Heaven?” question of “soul winning.”  Whether I would go to Hell or wouldn’t go to Hell or whether I would go to Heaven or not go to Heaven didn’t hold much weight in my decision to follow Christ.  See, I am not one who is motivated by negative reinforcement.  Negative consequences may get a change in behavior from me but it wont be a joyful change. Being cast into a lake of fire?  Nope….  don’t get it….  unsatisfied thirst just makes me mad, but sure as heck isn’t going to make me do anything different.  Heaven as a positive result of my behavior doesn’t work either….  My feeble brain has no ability to conceptualize Heaven.  Streets of gold, crystal rivers, pearly gates, no tears, no pain, no regret.  Sitting at Jesus’s knee like children did when he walked the earth.  Nope, none of that is something I can really get my head around.  So, I have never gotten that.

What I DO get?  That I need Jesus NOW.  I need him to get me through Thing 1’s first pimple.  I need Him to get through five stitches in Thing 2’s head.  I need Him to get me through thing 3’s first heart break (which I am pretty sure will happen before the other two even realize girls exist.).  I need Him to get me through Godly people doing unGodly things.  I need Him when the Things graduate from high school and college, get married, have babies.  I suppose having Him around in Heaven will be amazing….  but I cant imagine that when I have no tears, no pains, am walking on streets of gold and swimming in crystal seas and am sitting at His knee I will need him more. 

I don’t evangelize.  I live my life.  If you see Jesus in my life, GREAT.  If you ask, I will tell you about him and tell you what He has done to get me through tough times and celebrated with me in the good times.  I find the comfort of a “savior” necessary for my life.  I will not under any circumstance force that savior on you.  I love Jesus….  I love you, too.

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